Payback is a bitch pare!

while most of you enjoy LAN parties and online-games pare, we, the world-wide-web-deprived geeks, enjoy making halukay stuffs like saved web pages, images and videos (may it be informative or the ones that makes our pants tight) that are available on our network pare.

 

our network is streaming like gigs and gigs of such things pare. if, say, I have like new cool stuffs acquired over the internet (during the weekend) or from email attachments, you don't  need to like, ask me to share it pare. it's like a rule that everyone at the office abides and lives by. even the engineering people that fixes our systems every time na nagloloko-loko ang pc namin pare, can attest to that pare.

 

Anyhoo pare, this thing happened like some time ago pare, when a colleague handed over an external hard drive and asked me to like transfer some projects that we did pare. so I plugged it into my pc and started transferring the projects pare. I was like so ecstatic  about the idea of having a new hard drive to dig pare, so while transferring, I took the privilege of scanning what's inside the hard drive pare. there are a lot of like cool stuffs in it pare, some videos that I haven't seen before, and some personal photos pare. after watching the videos, I started looking at the photos. thinking na I might see like pictures of beautiful women, may saplot man o naked pare. to my dismay, it was all family and friends photos, though meron din naman mga photos of beautiful women akong nakita pare, i still wasn't like satisfied pare, so I did more digging pare.

 

halfway thru my search for like that something that would, say like, quench my thirst pare, I stumbled upon a folder na in the pictures pare, was a family  eating in a restaurant pare. on the last photo pare, was a shot of a penis pare! in black & white pare! immediately after realizing na it was indeed a penis pare, I closed the preview window and laughed so hard pare na parang nandidiri pare. haha. then I asked another colleague to look at it pare. haha! eeewww daw pare. hahaha

 

curiosity really did kill the moth pare. payback is a bitch, aint it pare?!

 

nagmamahal,

 

corn

 

P.S.

 

that photo reminded of the times that I took pictures of my wiener pare. I think it was like 3 or 2 years ago pare. I was playful at that time pare, like syempre, nakiki-uso rin ako pare. and the fact that na may humihingi pare, at mapagbigay naman ako pare e. at syempre may kapalit din. haha. though i'm cautious pa rin, hanggang ngayon pare, I don't want them to get like mad at me pare. baka may kopya pa sila nung photo, baka biglang ikalat sa web pare. kita pa naman mukha ko dun pare. hahaha.

 

the photo keeps on popping in my head pare, it's like minumulto ako pare. and everytime I see the one who owns the hard drive pare, I could not look at him straight in the eye pare, 'cause I know I could lose it and might spill-out "sayo ba yun?" pare. haha.

 

I really think I need some serious help na with my brain pare. seems like kasi na almost every little simple bad things happening to me are the ones that like haunts me for a long time pare. 'nak ng..! hahaha

roads to stardom pare

or should I say, the things i'd do for popularity

you may admit ir or not, everyone wants or longs to be in the limelight, even for like a flash ovit, 'di ba pare?

on my previous blog entry, in passing, I talked about becoming famous. it got me thinking, why not like, make my own list on how to become famous? and to tell you the truth pare, my friends have heard like some of my plans to stardom pare, and I know they found them abit like sickening pare. that or, they're thinking, alcohol fried like all of my brain cells or something pare. but that won't stop me from like dreaming or achieving my stardom pare. i'm into this no matter how pare.

for now, I only got like a few roads to stardom listed, theres more where this came from. but the next question is: which one should I take?

road to stardom no. 1

co-star in a homemade porn video with a from-a-rich-and-powerful-family-desperately-aspiring-to-be-an-actress-with-no-talent-at-all-but-buzz-worthy girl pare. to do that I need to like; 1) go to the gym pare and work on my pipes; 2) beacuse my skin has like different tones pare, I need to go to spas more often, have my body scrubbed and bleached. i'm going for the star-like-skin pare; 3)and lastly improve my skills pare. i really think i'm bad at this so I need more practice. after all of that, i'm good to go pare. then we'll distribute it on all the torrent sites, upload it to youtube.com, give a copy to the cellphone shops and bootleggers of greenhills and quiapo. after a month or so we'd be like on tabloids and televisions pare.

road to stardom no. 2

admit to something I didn't do or get wrongfully accused of something big, but not those political thingies pare. i'm desperate but i'm not that stupid pare. for example; if the the true owner of boybastos.com didn't admit to what the nbi accused him of pare, I wouldov gladly admitted that I am boybastos and surrendered myself pare. or call for a presscon and admit that I am the real father of the child that camille prats is carrying pare. now that's instant stardom pare!

road to stardom no. 3

get beaten by a well known celebrity like in a well known club pare. yea, you read that right pare. i'd seriously consider this road when i'm in desperately need of career change or of stardom pare. I'd gladly take a punch pare from say like from borgy and really hope for like I could punch back kahit isang suntok lang, and that one punch would leave a mark for weeks pare. I even joke around telling my friends na I will only see the insides of the Embassy when I am ready to take that beating pare. anyhoo, when I get hospitalized, i'll sue him pare and the press will be all over my private room trying to get a statement from me pare. and when its borgy's time to give a statement pare, they would see the mark I left on his pretty face. and i'd be known as the-guy-who-gave-borgy-a-black-eye guy pare. when the time comes that i'm like winning the case pare, they would offer like a settlement pare, I would only say pare na I would like his agent to be my agent and that he should find me a job in the industry as an actor of tv series pare. if they agreed pare, i'll take it from there pare.

so which road do you think I should take pare? I know those are extreme ways to stardom, and you might suggest na "why not date a hot actress?" that wouldov been awesome but I still don't see that feasible pare because; one, I barely go out and like hunt for actresses; two, I don't think these actresses would go out on a date with like a nobody; and three, ummmm... I just don't? most of you might be thinking right now pare na "ang kapal naman ng mukha neto, ba't di nya na lang sinabi na pangit sya, isinisi pa sa mga artista" well sorry pare I don't see myself as ugly nor that i'm gwapo pare. I don't wanna hurt my ego pare and what I know is that i'm oozing with appeal and makapal lang talaga mukha ko pare. Ha ha ha!

"why not join star searching shows?" you say, well, it takes months pa kasi pare. I want instant stardom pare. so I say no to talent search programs pare.

I guess by now you know kung anong pinuputok na buchi ko pare. and to add pare, my stardom doesn't end once i achieved it, i had everything planned till its time for me to leave this world in the most natural way pare. my fingers are crossed that no one tries to assasinate me.


nagmamahal,

corn





P.S.

to mr. boybastos, idol po kita..pero sana wag mo ako idamay sa mga kinasasangkutan mo ngayon. mahal ko pa po ang trabaho at buhay ko. pag nangangailangan na ako ng tulong mo, aabisuhan po kita.

to ms. camille prats, matagal na din po kita hinahangaan, i was devastated nang marinig ko ang balita na nagdadalang tao ka, susportahan pa rin po kita sa mga dinadaranas mo ngayun.(hahaha para akong stalker..haha)at sana yung mga chismoso jan, 'wag nyo po gawan ng kwento ang mga sinabi ko.

to the embassy people, mr. tim, wag nyo po ako i-ban sa club nyo. baka po kasi akalain nyo manggugulo lang ako. di pa ako nakakapasok sa club nyo, baka pag dating ko sa bouncer upakan agad ako.

to mr. borgy. wag mo po ako bubugbugin, kung sakali man mabasa mo to. mahal ko pa po mukha ko. di ko naman pakay ang manira ng pangalan. Kung naoffend po kita, malugod po akong humuhingi ng kapatawaran.

Malu fernandez: the most hated woman these days, says, umm.. well almost every pinoy pare.

i'm not gonna rant about her anymore pare, a lot has been said and I don't wanna bore you with a lot of details. but I do have a much interesting to write about her pare. here goes...

since the dawn of the world wide web, people have been drawn to making a name on the web pare and i'm speaking here on behalf of myself and myself only pare.

to name a few who succeeded, there's...

paris hilton - used the internet to distribute her homemade porn video to everyone who has access to the internet and finally to the hands bootleggers. thus making her almost a "household-name". now, her cronies (i.e. kim kardashian) are on the same path as she, and no one can't stop me from patronizing them. keep making those videos mga tsong at mga tsang! haha

then, there's this guy who used myspace.com(?) to expose his talent in singing (i saw this on the tele a few months back), and he got a record deal pare. how cool is that pare?

okay let's just name two, I think you get what i'm trying to say here pare.

I know how much you hate her now pare, but let's think like malu fernandez. let's imagine what whe was thinkin before she wrote that article, if you can't, try stuffing your shirt with pillows, wear expensive colognes, wear havaianas(or any slippers for that matter), maybe those things could help you think or act like a-fat-whining-bitch-fuck.

establishing shot:
malu in an expensive restaurant boozing up on margaritas...

extreme close-up:
"what can I do, to become famous?"

pan right: a bubble pops. a scene from paris' sexvideo comes into mind.
"opps, that's a bit extreme" malu thinks, "nobody wants to see a fat-pig stick a bottle up in their vagina." bubble fades.

pan left: another bubbles pops. imagined herself singing in front of the camera so that later on she could upload it on youtube.
"what am I thinking? I can't sing nor dance!" said malu. "and besides, I don't want anyone to see my flabs bounce around!" she added.

pan to center and zooms out: a light bulb pops. stood up and drank the whole bottle of don perignon or merlot or any expensive bubbly, I don't really care, and said...

"i know, I should write awful things about the OFWs and my expriences with them. then add a bit of that irritating-sosyalerang-pilit-tone in my article, everybody hates that. and everybody will definitely hate me for those things, and the OFW bloggers will write about me and how much they hate me. and then, victory! I will then become famous and could be a household name in no time!" malu grins and laughs like the ones in teleseryes. the end.

now start un-stuffing your shirt!

so there, I hope you enjoyed reading my entry about what I could have been thinking, if I was her.

oh, just to be clear. I don't promote hatred in this blog. hatred leads to nothing good for our well-being. let's make love not hate. let's have some fun, let's make fun of her. hehe

I don't hate. I love. I write fun stuff pare.

nagmamahal,

corn

P.S.

for some serious reading about the topic:
the much hated article she wrote.1 2
the haters 1 2 3

the reply(?)

muchos gracias to señor azrael for scanning, posting and sharing the article to us.

mi hablo no ingles, compañero!

why does most manileños converse in taglish (tagalog-english), english or worse, speak like a coñong kolehiyala pare?



could it be how they were brought up or, because the school requires them to speak english while they're inside the school premises or, because of work (practice-is-equal-to-perfection-kindov-mind-set), pare?



been here in manila for more than a year na pare, and I think i'm in a position na I can talk about this pare and not make any sense or lose the point that i'm trying to make, in the middle of this blog entry, pare.



it took me months before I started going out with people aside from my good ol' friends pare. and the day I went out to meet new people pare, was exactly what I had predicted. people conversing in english or taglish pare. it's not that I dislike people conversing english pare, it's just that I can't. I can't keep up with me speaking english pare, because I know I could end up sounding like coño or worse, a trying-hard-coño pare(and not to mention that I might spit a hard-edgy-bicolano accent. but i'm a proud bicolano, mind you) and that could haunt me for months pare. I don't hate coños who speak like kris aquino pare, I just can't be with them for an hour or two, my ears gets irritated kasi, and I got a story to back this up, but I won't talk about it here. hehe



nagpa-practice din naman ako pare magsalita ng english pare, I even got a few lines in mind pa nga pagnaninigarilyo ako pare. I sound like i'm confident and smart pare, but that's only in my head. my english is excellent and fluent when I let my head do the talking pare. I wish someone could invent or discover a drug that could activate communication thru telepathy, anytime I want. like anyone I shook hands with could hear my (selective) thoughts. It'd be kindov weird at first, but i'm sure everyone would get the hang of it. and it'll be the renaissance of telecommunication. it'll translate any language to the person's (the one you're conversing with) language that he uses and vice versa pare. it'll give a new meaning to the word "privacy" pare. no one from the opposite table would hear a word you're saying pare.



that, or a mad scientist, mixed the drug with something that enables him to hack everyone's thoughts. having the power of information, one will rule and conquer all boundaries. people revolts, mad scientist wins. then an army of five young girls with the help of a genius named corn, found a way to reverse the drug. in order to win against the mad scientist, corn planned the greatest battle strategy known to mankind, and the battle with the mad scientist's army of psychos begins. while the other four girls fights with the mad scientist, corn on the other hand is having his way with the hottest member of his army. ten minutes have passed, they get interrupted by a call. the girls are losing, so off went corn and the hot girl to the battlefield. corn and his army wins the battle and celebrated. it was the biggest orgy ever written in history of mankind. the end. roll credits. establishing shot: corn (who conceptualized the use of the telepathic drug) on the stage of edsa shrine taking oath of leadership. close-up shot: corn grins and laughs like michael jackson on the "thriller" music video. Hahahahahahahaha.. may part two mga tsong..haha..



anyhoo, as I predicted, I lost track of the point I was trying to make pare..hehe..sorry.. got too excited with the telepathic drug story pare..haha



some of you might be surprised na I don't speak fluent english when almost of my blogs are written in english. that's the catch in writing, I can think of what i'm gonna write and, you can't hear and the awful sound I make when I try to speak in english..haha.. also, i'm not saying na I know english well, even in writing, I get lost and most of the time I don't which word/verb/tense to use. they aren't even good for me to pass english literature.. hehe.. all I want is to share my thoughts and hope you don't get lost sa english ko..hehe



nagmamahal,

corn

Oh Crap..

from dictionary.com

Crapshoot
crap·shoot [krap-shoot] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation noun, verb, -shot, -shoot·ing.
–noun
1. Informal. anything unpredictable, risky, or problematical; gamble.
–verb (used without object)
2. to play craps.
3. Informal. to take risks; gamble.

craps is as you know a dice game!

*poster by meyor aka jonas

Memoirs of my Poop

how deep can you swim into your childhood memories pare, that you could remember what you ate then?

well as for me, it's not that hard to swim into mine. i got a pretty shallow streams of my childhood.

i remember during my grade school years that we have cows in our farm. during the weekends we'd go to the farm and feed the cows. we brought molasses, we got like a dozen barrels of 'em. and when it's time to feed cows, i go see how they eat, but before they got the taste of the molasses, i dip a finger or two from the barrel and lick it. its sweet, very sweet. and i did it every time we visit the farm. we also feed them with these huge cubed salts in our hands. same with feeding them with molasses, i get to lick first before they could. i know its kinda disgusting, but it was fun, knowing how their food tastes.

for the record, i never got the chance to eat the grass-like plant that we feed them. that was a bummer. sayang. hehe

i also remember, we had a corn plantation in that same farm. i learned how to plant corn. from plowing the ground in a straight line with the carabao pulling the plow, to the actual planting of the corn seeds on the ground. that was fun, i never got the chance to do that again when i went to college.

okay, so enough of that lets go to the story that i really wanted to share today.

who of you eats or have eaten roasted corn? some of you may even fix them with butter right? mmmm..

anyhoo, come harvest time our farm helpers would go to our house with sack-full of corn. and mom would roast a couple of them for meryenda. and we'd eat them fresh off the grill, fix it with butter, and coupled with ice-cold coke. i remember i could eat like 3 cobs of corn.

so after a couple of minutes, i would get the feeling of like a tingling sensation inside my stomach and in the end would lead me to the bathroom.

for those of you who are eating right now and have a very sensitive gag-reflex. you can stop reading at this point.

i swear to the life of the moths in our backyard, i didn't eat the cob. but when i looked at my poop, it looked exactly like the roasted corn before i ate it. corn seeds still attached to its cob.

how cool is that? its like magic or the one's shown in ripleys.

RockEd Dalawang Taong Gulang na Pare.

later tonight at eastwood around seven-ish pare, will be like the second anniversary party ng RockEd Philippines pare. and i'm sure its gonna be huge pare.so be there.support RockEd pare. makipagtulungan pare. tama na ang palusot pare.

 

see you there mga tsong!

Sobertday Pare!

"really? that's impossible!" a friend remarked after what he just heard
pare.

I don't blame him for reacting in such ambiguity pare. get this pare, not a single day that I celebrated my birthdays (ever since my sophomore year in high school pare) na it didn't overflow with alcohol pare. even on the eve of my birthdays pare. pretty much of all my friends loves drinking pare (who doesn't?).

this year pare, I celebrated my birthday without a single drop of alcohol in my system pare. the day before my birthday, during the actual birthday and the day after pare. in short pare, for the first time I was sober on my
birthday. it felt good not waking up the morning after, complaining head pain and feeling like a-shit-load-of-horses-dung-fell-on-my-pagkatao pare.

I celebrated that day with my brother and he paid for everything pare. hehe.

Bentesingko Pare.

(this is when i try to make point, forgive me)

what can I buy with the 25 centavo coin I have in my pocket pare? hmmm. a piece of paper maybe? a low cost bond paper perhaps. a delimon kaya pare? or maybe nothing at all na pare?

so what am I gonna do with this pare? how about I just put it on my ears pare? at least I can use it as an accessory pare, just like wearing an earing pare. that would be cool right pare? it'll make me look more like bad-boy-type-of-guy pare. women dig bad boys right pare? no? "girls like badboy looks, women don't" you say? hmmm...

okay how about I put it on top of my forehead pare, and play the game i used to play during christmas parties back in my grade school days pare. twitch forehead. twitch right eye. twitch left eye. twitch nose. twitch lips to the right. pout lips. twitch lips to the left. pout again. use tongue reach for the coin. reach, dammit. reach! got it pare!!! wooohooo!!! no? too child-like, you say pare? hmmmm...

how about I just put in my drawer and keep it pare? and do that everytime I have a 25 centavo coin left in my pocket. we may never know, I might need them in the future noh pare? say, I can buy a stick of cigarette for every eight 25 centavo coin i've saved pare. hmmm. pretty nifty idea right pare? or deposit them to those bantay bata cans. yes? that way I am helping them and trying to be a good citizen pare. hmmm. great idea noh pare?

so what am I trying to say, you ask pare. I tell you this--though a bit cliché pare--no matter how small the amout of money you got in your pockets pare, try to save it pare. someday, somehow pare you'll need it. I just realized this back when I got broke pare, like I would look and collect 25 centavo coins under my desk, my officemates desk, my bag, window sills, laundry area, bathrooms, the entire house/office if you will just so I could buy a stick or two of my favorite brand of cigarette pare. so yes, smoking has done something good for me pare, but still smoking is slowly trying to kill me pare.

so now that i'm through talking about the 25 centavo coin I have in my pocket pare. I wonder what could I buy with my 25 years living on earth pare. and why only few have remembered my birthday pare? hmmmm..

Poop Paste and Poop Water, Any Takers?

With NASA’s technology, drinking your own pee is now possible and is now widely available to some countries who are suffering from potable water shortages. A company from Reno, Water Security, is making this happen. But how about the poop – our own poop? Are we just gonna sit in our comfort chair and see our poop, flush away? Count me out! This is a plea for NASA to develop a technology that makes our poop edible, palatable, and - if lucky enough – flavored food paste.

And as a first step for recycling poop, prefilter our feces removing unwanted particles like hair, plastics, worms, tapeworms and among others. Carbon filter it. And all that shit used in processing your pee to drinking water. But I want two more filters/machines.
Let’s call it “flavor filter”. The flavor filters’ main job is to separate a flavor among other flavors. Let’s say, you had toasts, ham and bacon for breakfast, spaghetti for lunch and a large pizza (any flavor) for dinner; the flavor filter would separate toasts from ham and bacon, and spaghetti from the pizza. Pretty good eh?

After flavor filtering it will then go to an odor-removing-flavor-enhancing machine for the pleasurable aftertaste, then turning it to more pasty before it gets bottled.
What about the excess liquids, you ask? The excess liquids then go to the same process they do on our pee, get it bottled, and sell it.

That’s it! Human-waste will be just a word in history. May I present to the world, “Instant Food Paste and the Purified-poop Water. Comes in variety of flavors you desire”.
Enjoy!

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Commenting on this topic (“what if” scenario 1) from his blog.
For further reading about the topic, visit this page