Malu fernandez: the most hated woman these days, says, umm.. well almost every pinoy pare.

i'm not gonna rant about her anymore pare, a lot has been said and I don't wanna bore you with a lot of details. but I do have a much interesting to write about her pare. here goes...

since the dawn of the world wide web, people have been drawn to making a name on the web pare and i'm speaking here on behalf of myself and myself only pare.

to name a few who succeeded, there's...

paris hilton - used the internet to distribute her homemade porn video to everyone who has access to the internet and finally to the hands bootleggers. thus making her almost a "household-name". now, her cronies (i.e. kim kardashian) are on the same path as she, and no one can't stop me from patronizing them. keep making those videos mga tsong at mga tsang! haha

then, there's this guy who used myspace.com(?) to expose his talent in singing (i saw this on the tele a few months back), and he got a record deal pare. how cool is that pare?

okay let's just name two, I think you get what i'm trying to say here pare.

I know how much you hate her now pare, but let's think like malu fernandez. let's imagine what whe was thinkin before she wrote that article, if you can't, try stuffing your shirt with pillows, wear expensive colognes, wear havaianas(or any slippers for that matter), maybe those things could help you think or act like a-fat-whining-bitch-fuck.

establishing shot:
malu in an expensive restaurant boozing up on margaritas...

extreme close-up:
"what can I do, to become famous?"

pan right: a bubble pops. a scene from paris' sexvideo comes into mind.
"opps, that's a bit extreme" malu thinks, "nobody wants to see a fat-pig stick a bottle up in their vagina." bubble fades.

pan left: another bubbles pops. imagined herself singing in front of the camera so that later on she could upload it on youtube.
"what am I thinking? I can't sing nor dance!" said malu. "and besides, I don't want anyone to see my flabs bounce around!" she added.

pan to center and zooms out: a light bulb pops. stood up and drank the whole bottle of don perignon or merlot or any expensive bubbly, I don't really care, and said...

"i know, I should write awful things about the OFWs and my expriences with them. then add a bit of that irritating-sosyalerang-pilit-tone in my article, everybody hates that. and everybody will definitely hate me for those things, and the OFW bloggers will write about me and how much they hate me. and then, victory! I will then become famous and could be a household name in no time!" malu grins and laughs like the ones in teleseryes. the end.

now start un-stuffing your shirt!

so there, I hope you enjoyed reading my entry about what I could have been thinking, if I was her.

oh, just to be clear. I don't promote hatred in this blog. hatred leads to nothing good for our well-being. let's make love not hate. let's have some fun, let's make fun of her. hehe

I don't hate. I love. I write fun stuff pare.

nagmamahal,

corn

P.S.

for some serious reading about the topic:
the much hated article she wrote.1 2
the haters 1 2 3

the reply(?)

muchos gracias to señor azrael for scanning, posting and sharing the article to us.

mi hablo no ingles, compañero!

why does most manileños converse in taglish (tagalog-english), english or worse, speak like a coñong kolehiyala pare?



could it be how they were brought up or, because the school requires them to speak english while they're inside the school premises or, because of work (practice-is-equal-to-perfection-kindov-mind-set), pare?



been here in manila for more than a year na pare, and I think i'm in a position na I can talk about this pare and not make any sense or lose the point that i'm trying to make, in the middle of this blog entry, pare.



it took me months before I started going out with people aside from my good ol' friends pare. and the day I went out to meet new people pare, was exactly what I had predicted. people conversing in english or taglish pare. it's not that I dislike people conversing english pare, it's just that I can't. I can't keep up with me speaking english pare, because I know I could end up sounding like coño or worse, a trying-hard-coño pare(and not to mention that I might spit a hard-edgy-bicolano accent. but i'm a proud bicolano, mind you) and that could haunt me for months pare. I don't hate coños who speak like kris aquino pare, I just can't be with them for an hour or two, my ears gets irritated kasi, and I got a story to back this up, but I won't talk about it here. hehe



nagpa-practice din naman ako pare magsalita ng english pare, I even got a few lines in mind pa nga pagnaninigarilyo ako pare. I sound like i'm confident and smart pare, but that's only in my head. my english is excellent and fluent when I let my head do the talking pare. I wish someone could invent or discover a drug that could activate communication thru telepathy, anytime I want. like anyone I shook hands with could hear my (selective) thoughts. It'd be kindov weird at first, but i'm sure everyone would get the hang of it. and it'll be the renaissance of telecommunication. it'll translate any language to the person's (the one you're conversing with) language that he uses and vice versa pare. it'll give a new meaning to the word "privacy" pare. no one from the opposite table would hear a word you're saying pare.



that, or a mad scientist, mixed the drug with something that enables him to hack everyone's thoughts. having the power of information, one will rule and conquer all boundaries. people revolts, mad scientist wins. then an army of five young girls with the help of a genius named corn, found a way to reverse the drug. in order to win against the mad scientist, corn planned the greatest battle strategy known to mankind, and the battle with the mad scientist's army of psychos begins. while the other four girls fights with the mad scientist, corn on the other hand is having his way with the hottest member of his army. ten minutes have passed, they get interrupted by a call. the girls are losing, so off went corn and the hot girl to the battlefield. corn and his army wins the battle and celebrated. it was the biggest orgy ever written in history of mankind. the end. roll credits. establishing shot: corn (who conceptualized the use of the telepathic drug) on the stage of edsa shrine taking oath of leadership. close-up shot: corn grins and laughs like michael jackson on the "thriller" music video. Hahahahahahahaha.. may part two mga tsong..haha..



anyhoo, as I predicted, I lost track of the point I was trying to make pare..hehe..sorry.. got too excited with the telepathic drug story pare..haha



some of you might be surprised na I don't speak fluent english when almost of my blogs are written in english. that's the catch in writing, I can think of what i'm gonna write and, you can't hear and the awful sound I make when I try to speak in english..haha.. also, i'm not saying na I know english well, even in writing, I get lost and most of the time I don't which word/verb/tense to use. they aren't even good for me to pass english literature.. hehe.. all I want is to share my thoughts and hope you don't get lost sa english ko..hehe



nagmamahal,

corn

Oh Crap..

from dictionary.com

Crapshoot
crap·shoot [krap-shoot] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation noun, verb, -shot, -shoot·ing.
–noun
1. Informal. anything unpredictable, risky, or problematical; gamble.
–verb (used without object)
2. to play craps.
3. Informal. to take risks; gamble.

craps is as you know a dice game!

*poster by meyor aka jonas