Payback is a bitch pare!

while most of you enjoy LAN parties and online-games pare, we, the world-wide-web-deprived geeks, enjoy making halukay stuffs like saved web pages, images and videos (may it be informative or the ones that makes our pants tight) that are available on our network pare.

 

our network is streaming like gigs and gigs of such things pare. if, say, I have like new cool stuffs acquired over the internet (during the weekend) or from email attachments, you don't  need to like, ask me to share it pare. it's like a rule that everyone at the office abides and lives by. even the engineering people that fixes our systems every time na nagloloko-loko ang pc namin pare, can attest to that pare.

 

Anyhoo pare, this thing happened like some time ago pare, when a colleague handed over an external hard drive and asked me to like transfer some projects that we did pare. so I plugged it into my pc and started transferring the projects pare. I was like so ecstatic  about the idea of having a new hard drive to dig pare, so while transferring, I took the privilege of scanning what's inside the hard drive pare. there are a lot of like cool stuffs in it pare, some videos that I haven't seen before, and some personal photos pare. after watching the videos, I started looking at the photos. thinking na I might see like pictures of beautiful women, may saplot man o naked pare. to my dismay, it was all family and friends photos, though meron din naman mga photos of beautiful women akong nakita pare, i still wasn't like satisfied pare, so I did more digging pare.

 

halfway thru my search for like that something that would, say like, quench my thirst pare, I stumbled upon a folder na in the pictures pare, was a family  eating in a restaurant pare. on the last photo pare, was a shot of a penis pare! in black & white pare! immediately after realizing na it was indeed a penis pare, I closed the preview window and laughed so hard pare na parang nandidiri pare. haha. then I asked another colleague to look at it pare. haha! eeewww daw pare. hahaha

 

curiosity really did kill the moth pare. payback is a bitch, aint it pare?!

 

nagmamahal,

 

corn

 

P.S.

 

that photo reminded of the times that I took pictures of my wiener pare. I think it was like 3 or 2 years ago pare. I was playful at that time pare, like syempre, nakiki-uso rin ako pare. and the fact that na may humihingi pare, at mapagbigay naman ako pare e. at syempre may kapalit din. haha. though i'm cautious pa rin, hanggang ngayon pare, I don't want them to get like mad at me pare. baka may kopya pa sila nung photo, baka biglang ikalat sa web pare. kita pa naman mukha ko dun pare. hahaha.

 

the photo keeps on popping in my head pare, it's like minumulto ako pare. and everytime I see the one who owns the hard drive pare, I could not look at him straight in the eye pare, 'cause I know I could lose it and might spill-out "sayo ba yun?" pare. haha.

 

I really think I need some serious help na with my brain pare. seems like kasi na almost every little simple bad things happening to me are the ones that like haunts me for a long time pare. 'nak ng..! hahaha

roads to stardom pare

or should I say, the things i'd do for popularity

you may admit ir or not, everyone wants or longs to be in the limelight, even for like a flash ovit, 'di ba pare?

on my previous blog entry, in passing, I talked about becoming famous. it got me thinking, why not like, make my own list on how to become famous? and to tell you the truth pare, my friends have heard like some of my plans to stardom pare, and I know they found them abit like sickening pare. that or, they're thinking, alcohol fried like all of my brain cells or something pare. but that won't stop me from like dreaming or achieving my stardom pare. i'm into this no matter how pare.

for now, I only got like a few roads to stardom listed, theres more where this came from. but the next question is: which one should I take?

road to stardom no. 1

co-star in a homemade porn video with a from-a-rich-and-powerful-family-desperately-aspiring-to-be-an-actress-with-no-talent-at-all-but-buzz-worthy girl pare. to do that I need to like; 1) go to the gym pare and work on my pipes; 2) beacuse my skin has like different tones pare, I need to go to spas more often, have my body scrubbed and bleached. i'm going for the star-like-skin pare; 3)and lastly improve my skills pare. i really think i'm bad at this so I need more practice. after all of that, i'm good to go pare. then we'll distribute it on all the torrent sites, upload it to youtube.com, give a copy to the cellphone shops and bootleggers of greenhills and quiapo. after a month or so we'd be like on tabloids and televisions pare.

road to stardom no. 2

admit to something I didn't do or get wrongfully accused of something big, but not those political thingies pare. i'm desperate but i'm not that stupid pare. for example; if the the true owner of boybastos.com didn't admit to what the nbi accused him of pare, I wouldov gladly admitted that I am boybastos and surrendered myself pare. or call for a presscon and admit that I am the real father of the child that camille prats is carrying pare. now that's instant stardom pare!

road to stardom no. 3

get beaten by a well known celebrity like in a well known club pare. yea, you read that right pare. i'd seriously consider this road when i'm in desperately need of career change or of stardom pare. I'd gladly take a punch pare from say like from borgy and really hope for like I could punch back kahit isang suntok lang, and that one punch would leave a mark for weeks pare. I even joke around telling my friends na I will only see the insides of the Embassy when I am ready to take that beating pare. anyhoo, when I get hospitalized, i'll sue him pare and the press will be all over my private room trying to get a statement from me pare. and when its borgy's time to give a statement pare, they would see the mark I left on his pretty face. and i'd be known as the-guy-who-gave-borgy-a-black-eye guy pare. when the time comes that i'm like winning the case pare, they would offer like a settlement pare, I would only say pare na I would like his agent to be my agent and that he should find me a job in the industry as an actor of tv series pare. if they agreed pare, i'll take it from there pare.

so which road do you think I should take pare? I know those are extreme ways to stardom, and you might suggest na "why not date a hot actress?" that wouldov been awesome but I still don't see that feasible pare because; one, I barely go out and like hunt for actresses; two, I don't think these actresses would go out on a date with like a nobody; and three, ummmm... I just don't? most of you might be thinking right now pare na "ang kapal naman ng mukha neto, ba't di nya na lang sinabi na pangit sya, isinisi pa sa mga artista" well sorry pare I don't see myself as ugly nor that i'm gwapo pare. I don't wanna hurt my ego pare and what I know is that i'm oozing with appeal and makapal lang talaga mukha ko pare. Ha ha ha!

"why not join star searching shows?" you say, well, it takes months pa kasi pare. I want instant stardom pare. so I say no to talent search programs pare.

I guess by now you know kung anong pinuputok na buchi ko pare. and to add pare, my stardom doesn't end once i achieved it, i had everything planned till its time for me to leave this world in the most natural way pare. my fingers are crossed that no one tries to assasinate me.


nagmamahal,

corn





P.S.

to mr. boybastos, idol po kita..pero sana wag mo ako idamay sa mga kinasasangkutan mo ngayon. mahal ko pa po ang trabaho at buhay ko. pag nangangailangan na ako ng tulong mo, aabisuhan po kita.

to ms. camille prats, matagal na din po kita hinahangaan, i was devastated nang marinig ko ang balita na nagdadalang tao ka, susportahan pa rin po kita sa mga dinadaranas mo ngayun.(hahaha para akong stalker..haha)at sana yung mga chismoso jan, 'wag nyo po gawan ng kwento ang mga sinabi ko.

to the embassy people, mr. tim, wag nyo po ako i-ban sa club nyo. baka po kasi akalain nyo manggugulo lang ako. di pa ako nakakapasok sa club nyo, baka pag dating ko sa bouncer upakan agad ako.

to mr. borgy. wag mo po ako bubugbugin, kung sakali man mabasa mo to. mahal ko pa po mukha ko. di ko naman pakay ang manira ng pangalan. Kung naoffend po kita, malugod po akong humuhingi ng kapatawaran.

Malu fernandez: the most hated woman these days, says, umm.. well almost every pinoy pare.

i'm not gonna rant about her anymore pare, a lot has been said and I don't wanna bore you with a lot of details. but I do have a much interesting to write about her pare. here goes...

since the dawn of the world wide web, people have been drawn to making a name on the web pare and i'm speaking here on behalf of myself and myself only pare.

to name a few who succeeded, there's...

paris hilton - used the internet to distribute her homemade porn video to everyone who has access to the internet and finally to the hands bootleggers. thus making her almost a "household-name". now, her cronies (i.e. kim kardashian) are on the same path as she, and no one can't stop me from patronizing them. keep making those videos mga tsong at mga tsang! haha

then, there's this guy who used myspace.com(?) to expose his talent in singing (i saw this on the tele a few months back), and he got a record deal pare. how cool is that pare?

okay let's just name two, I think you get what i'm trying to say here pare.

I know how much you hate her now pare, but let's think like malu fernandez. let's imagine what whe was thinkin before she wrote that article, if you can't, try stuffing your shirt with pillows, wear expensive colognes, wear havaianas(or any slippers for that matter), maybe those things could help you think or act like a-fat-whining-bitch-fuck.

establishing shot:
malu in an expensive restaurant boozing up on margaritas...

extreme close-up:
"what can I do, to become famous?"

pan right: a bubble pops. a scene from paris' sexvideo comes into mind.
"opps, that's a bit extreme" malu thinks, "nobody wants to see a fat-pig stick a bottle up in their vagina." bubble fades.

pan left: another bubbles pops. imagined herself singing in front of the camera so that later on she could upload it on youtube.
"what am I thinking? I can't sing nor dance!" said malu. "and besides, I don't want anyone to see my flabs bounce around!" she added.

pan to center and zooms out: a light bulb pops. stood up and drank the whole bottle of don perignon or merlot or any expensive bubbly, I don't really care, and said...

"i know, I should write awful things about the OFWs and my expriences with them. then add a bit of that irritating-sosyalerang-pilit-tone in my article, everybody hates that. and everybody will definitely hate me for those things, and the OFW bloggers will write about me and how much they hate me. and then, victory! I will then become famous and could be a household name in no time!" malu grins and laughs like the ones in teleseryes. the end.

now start un-stuffing your shirt!

so there, I hope you enjoyed reading my entry about what I could have been thinking, if I was her.

oh, just to be clear. I don't promote hatred in this blog. hatred leads to nothing good for our well-being. let's make love not hate. let's have some fun, let's make fun of her. hehe

I don't hate. I love. I write fun stuff pare.

nagmamahal,

corn

P.S.

for some serious reading about the topic:
the much hated article she wrote.1 2
the haters 1 2 3

the reply(?)

muchos gracias to señor azrael for scanning, posting and sharing the article to us.

mi hablo no ingles, compañero!

why does most manileños converse in taglish (tagalog-english), english or worse, speak like a coñong kolehiyala pare?



could it be how they were brought up or, because the school requires them to speak english while they're inside the school premises or, because of work (practice-is-equal-to-perfection-kindov-mind-set), pare?



been here in manila for more than a year na pare, and I think i'm in a position na I can talk about this pare and not make any sense or lose the point that i'm trying to make, in the middle of this blog entry, pare.



it took me months before I started going out with people aside from my good ol' friends pare. and the day I went out to meet new people pare, was exactly what I had predicted. people conversing in english or taglish pare. it's not that I dislike people conversing english pare, it's just that I can't. I can't keep up with me speaking english pare, because I know I could end up sounding like coño or worse, a trying-hard-coño pare(and not to mention that I might spit a hard-edgy-bicolano accent. but i'm a proud bicolano, mind you) and that could haunt me for months pare. I don't hate coños who speak like kris aquino pare, I just can't be with them for an hour or two, my ears gets irritated kasi, and I got a story to back this up, but I won't talk about it here. hehe



nagpa-practice din naman ako pare magsalita ng english pare, I even got a few lines in mind pa nga pagnaninigarilyo ako pare. I sound like i'm confident and smart pare, but that's only in my head. my english is excellent and fluent when I let my head do the talking pare. I wish someone could invent or discover a drug that could activate communication thru telepathy, anytime I want. like anyone I shook hands with could hear my (selective) thoughts. It'd be kindov weird at first, but i'm sure everyone would get the hang of it. and it'll be the renaissance of telecommunication. it'll translate any language to the person's (the one you're conversing with) language that he uses and vice versa pare. it'll give a new meaning to the word "privacy" pare. no one from the opposite table would hear a word you're saying pare.



that, or a mad scientist, mixed the drug with something that enables him to hack everyone's thoughts. having the power of information, one will rule and conquer all boundaries. people revolts, mad scientist wins. then an army of five young girls with the help of a genius named corn, found a way to reverse the drug. in order to win against the mad scientist, corn planned the greatest battle strategy known to mankind, and the battle with the mad scientist's army of psychos begins. while the other four girls fights with the mad scientist, corn on the other hand is having his way with the hottest member of his army. ten minutes have passed, they get interrupted by a call. the girls are losing, so off went corn and the hot girl to the battlefield. corn and his army wins the battle and celebrated. it was the biggest orgy ever written in history of mankind. the end. roll credits. establishing shot: corn (who conceptualized the use of the telepathic drug) on the stage of edsa shrine taking oath of leadership. close-up shot: corn grins and laughs like michael jackson on the "thriller" music video. Hahahahahahahaha.. may part two mga tsong..haha..



anyhoo, as I predicted, I lost track of the point I was trying to make pare..hehe..sorry.. got too excited with the telepathic drug story pare..haha



some of you might be surprised na I don't speak fluent english when almost of my blogs are written in english. that's the catch in writing, I can think of what i'm gonna write and, you can't hear and the awful sound I make when I try to speak in english..haha.. also, i'm not saying na I know english well, even in writing, I get lost and most of the time I don't which word/verb/tense to use. they aren't even good for me to pass english literature.. hehe.. all I want is to share my thoughts and hope you don't get lost sa english ko..hehe



nagmamahal,

corn

Oh Crap..

from dictionary.com

Crapshoot
crap·shoot [krap-shoot] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation noun, verb, -shot, -shoot·ing.
–noun
1. Informal. anything unpredictable, risky, or problematical; gamble.
–verb (used without object)
2. to play craps.
3. Informal. to take risks; gamble.

craps is as you know a dice game!

*poster by meyor aka jonas

Memoirs of my Poop

how deep can you swim into your childhood memories pare, that you could remember what you ate then?

well as for me, it's not that hard to swim into mine. i got a pretty shallow streams of my childhood.

i remember during my grade school years that we have cows in our farm. during the weekends we'd go to the farm and feed the cows. we brought molasses, we got like a dozen barrels of 'em. and when it's time to feed cows, i go see how they eat, but before they got the taste of the molasses, i dip a finger or two from the barrel and lick it. its sweet, very sweet. and i did it every time we visit the farm. we also feed them with these huge cubed salts in our hands. same with feeding them with molasses, i get to lick first before they could. i know its kinda disgusting, but it was fun, knowing how their food tastes.

for the record, i never got the chance to eat the grass-like plant that we feed them. that was a bummer. sayang. hehe

i also remember, we had a corn plantation in that same farm. i learned how to plant corn. from plowing the ground in a straight line with the carabao pulling the plow, to the actual planting of the corn seeds on the ground. that was fun, i never got the chance to do that again when i went to college.

okay, so enough of that lets go to the story that i really wanted to share today.

who of you eats or have eaten roasted corn? some of you may even fix them with butter right? mmmm..

anyhoo, come harvest time our farm helpers would go to our house with sack-full of corn. and mom would roast a couple of them for meryenda. and we'd eat them fresh off the grill, fix it with butter, and coupled with ice-cold coke. i remember i could eat like 3 cobs of corn.

so after a couple of minutes, i would get the feeling of like a tingling sensation inside my stomach and in the end would lead me to the bathroom.

for those of you who are eating right now and have a very sensitive gag-reflex. you can stop reading at this point.

i swear to the life of the moths in our backyard, i didn't eat the cob. but when i looked at my poop, it looked exactly like the roasted corn before i ate it. corn seeds still attached to its cob.

how cool is that? its like magic or the one's shown in ripleys.

RockEd Dalawang Taong Gulang na Pare.

later tonight at eastwood around seven-ish pare, will be like the second anniversary party ng RockEd Philippines pare. and i'm sure its gonna be huge pare.so be there.support RockEd pare. makipagtulungan pare. tama na ang palusot pare.

 

see you there mga tsong!

Sobertday Pare!

"really? that's impossible!" a friend remarked after what he just heard
pare.

I don't blame him for reacting in such ambiguity pare. get this pare, not a single day that I celebrated my birthdays (ever since my sophomore year in high school pare) na it didn't overflow with alcohol pare. even on the eve of my birthdays pare. pretty much of all my friends loves drinking pare (who doesn't?).

this year pare, I celebrated my birthday without a single drop of alcohol in my system pare. the day before my birthday, during the actual birthday and the day after pare. in short pare, for the first time I was sober on my
birthday. it felt good not waking up the morning after, complaining head pain and feeling like a-shit-load-of-horses-dung-fell-on-my-pagkatao pare.

I celebrated that day with my brother and he paid for everything pare. hehe.

Bentesingko Pare.

(this is when i try to make point, forgive me)

what can I buy with the 25 centavo coin I have in my pocket pare? hmmm. a piece of paper maybe? a low cost bond paper perhaps. a delimon kaya pare? or maybe nothing at all na pare?

so what am I gonna do with this pare? how about I just put it on my ears pare? at least I can use it as an accessory pare, just like wearing an earing pare. that would be cool right pare? it'll make me look more like bad-boy-type-of-guy pare. women dig bad boys right pare? no? "girls like badboy looks, women don't" you say? hmmm...

okay how about I put it on top of my forehead pare, and play the game i used to play during christmas parties back in my grade school days pare. twitch forehead. twitch right eye. twitch left eye. twitch nose. twitch lips to the right. pout lips. twitch lips to the left. pout again. use tongue reach for the coin. reach, dammit. reach! got it pare!!! wooohooo!!! no? too child-like, you say pare? hmmmm...

how about I just put in my drawer and keep it pare? and do that everytime I have a 25 centavo coin left in my pocket. we may never know, I might need them in the future noh pare? say, I can buy a stick of cigarette for every eight 25 centavo coin i've saved pare. hmmm. pretty nifty idea right pare? or deposit them to those bantay bata cans. yes? that way I am helping them and trying to be a good citizen pare. hmmm. great idea noh pare?

so what am I trying to say, you ask pare. I tell you this--though a bit cliché pare--no matter how small the amout of money you got in your pockets pare, try to save it pare. someday, somehow pare you'll need it. I just realized this back when I got broke pare, like I would look and collect 25 centavo coins under my desk, my officemates desk, my bag, window sills, laundry area, bathrooms, the entire house/office if you will just so I could buy a stick or two of my favorite brand of cigarette pare. so yes, smoking has done something good for me pare, but still smoking is slowly trying to kill me pare.

so now that i'm through talking about the 25 centavo coin I have in my pocket pare. I wonder what could I buy with my 25 years living on earth pare. and why only few have remembered my birthday pare? hmmmm..

Poop Paste and Poop Water, Any Takers?

With NASA’s technology, drinking your own pee is now possible and is now widely available to some countries who are suffering from potable water shortages. A company from Reno, Water Security, is making this happen. But how about the poop – our own poop? Are we just gonna sit in our comfort chair and see our poop, flush away? Count me out! This is a plea for NASA to develop a technology that makes our poop edible, palatable, and - if lucky enough – flavored food paste.

And as a first step for recycling poop, prefilter our feces removing unwanted particles like hair, plastics, worms, tapeworms and among others. Carbon filter it. And all that shit used in processing your pee to drinking water. But I want two more filters/machines.
Let’s call it “flavor filter”. The flavor filters’ main job is to separate a flavor among other flavors. Let’s say, you had toasts, ham and bacon for breakfast, spaghetti for lunch and a large pizza (any flavor) for dinner; the flavor filter would separate toasts from ham and bacon, and spaghetti from the pizza. Pretty good eh?

After flavor filtering it will then go to an odor-removing-flavor-enhancing machine for the pleasurable aftertaste, then turning it to more pasty before it gets bottled.
What about the excess liquids, you ask? The excess liquids then go to the same process they do on our pee, get it bottled, and sell it.

That’s it! Human-waste will be just a word in history. May I present to the world, “Instant Food Paste and the Purified-poop Water. Comes in variety of flavors you desire”.
Enjoy!

===
Commenting on this topic (“what if” scenario 1) from his blog.
For further reading about the topic, visit this page

You can get STD pare!

oh yeah pare! summer time na naman pare. everybody is like going to the beach or resorts pare for some skinny-dipping pare. like people you dont even know pare, is on the water pare. something tells me you can get hawa of their diseases pare. let's face it pare, not everyone looks healthy as they look pare even if they're on their bikinis pare. if you're in a beach pare, its like you share the same kikay kit with strangers pare. like you use the same toilet bowl pare. you're like making tagay with one shot glass pare with hundreds of tao you don't even know pare. maybe its just me, but just making isip of it pare, kinda freaks me out pare. get this pare, where do you think seamen disposes their jebs pare? eewwww pare, eewwww.

well anyway pare, that's not the whole point of my entry for today. so you can scrap that thought pare.

last month pare, we went to this beach up north pare. our initial plan was just to borrow a surf board pare and take pictures pare and after that go straight home pare. lima lang kami pare, at first pare, we're kinda hesitant to go there pare. its so mainit pare, and i dont want my skin to get sunburned pare. but since we just got from a wedding pare (we got commissioned kasi pare for the wedding coverage pare, excuse my shameless plug pare, but if any of you pare wants any of your special occassion taped at photographed pare, contact me pare or just leave a comment pare.), we said "fuck it pare, lets have some fun naman pare". so we did pare. the first thing we did pare is to look for a vacant cottage pare. and we got one pare. we didn't plan to swim pare, but since we're already there pare, why not swim di ba pare? sayang naman pare.

but before we geared down pare, we walked and took pictures pare sa beach pare, looking for a surf board na we can rent and food we can eat pare. while naglalakad pare, we saw this sign pare,

it is a catch-y name for a kainan pare. but somehow got me thinking if we really could get STD in that kainan pare. he he. anyway we continued looking where we could rent a board pare. we went back to the cottage pare and chipped-in so we can buy food na pare. we bought food and ate at the cottage by the beach pare. after eating pare, only two of us decided to go and take a swim pare. the wave was cool pare, you can really surf there pare. unluckily pare, we weren't able to rent able a surfboard pare, the owner wasn't there pare. so instead we used our body as a surf board pare, lemme show you how we did it pare.

there you go pare, convinced? he he he. pero honestly pare, it really was like we were surfing pare, dinadala kami ng waves pare. its so cool pare. hang ten pare!


PS: i just realized pare, kung sa beach na yun pare you can find STD pare, in my blog you can get FMD pare. and if you basa my blog name as fast as you can it kinda sound like foot and mouth disease pare. he he he

PPS: thanks nga pala pare to my fans from the land of the rising sun pare and to Kim L. the president of OCSFSC-Anino Entertaiment Chapter salamat po sa pagbabasa.

Pitchin a concept for TV show Pare

i have this idea for a tv show pare. you know like the one's na nakikita natin pare on MTV pare? PUNK'D, Pimp my Ride and Cribs ring any bell-bell pare? but this time pare, its a combination ng tatlo pare and a bit of Big Brother pare. mukhang interesting right pare? okay here's the big idea pare:

we search for a bahay whose owners are willing and wanting their bahay to be featured pare on a national television or movies pare, little did they know pare we're gonna make sira their house pare. at para makuha namin ang matamis nilang "oo" pare, we're gonna make up a story, that its gonna be featured in a movie/sitcom pare which will be shot entirely at their house for a whole month pare. after we got ourselves a bahay pare, the search for a group of friends will be picked pare, and the chosen group will stay at the house for a month pare. No katulong pare. just like the Big Brother pare, everything will be taped and shown to the madla pare by hundreds of hidden camera installed sa lahat ng kanto ng bahay pare. the catch pare is, anything goes and can happen pare. everything is allowed pare.

okay just to give you a visual understanding of my concept pare, here are some sample photos pare on what could happen sa bahay pare. i took them for purpose of this pitch pare. its like nine o'clock in the morning pare.

Sample Episode: What's In A Production House Pare.

this is the house pare. its a house in a subdivision pare converted into an office pare. its a beautiful on the outside pare, pero wait till you see the inside pare. you might me surprised pare.


this is me welcoming you to enter our lovely house-turned-office-turned-tambayan-turned-bar-turned-party-place pare.

this is what you'll see just after you make bukas the front door pare.











then papakita ko sainyo pare the rest of the whole production space pare. and this is what you'll see pare;

an officemate playing with anything his hands can hold on to pare, this time a lipstick pare. then...











...he was joined by isa pang officemate pare and we took pictures of them pare. you should see them when they're all like lasing pare. an officemate would have his whole katawan and face pare, marked with a black marker pare. okay lets proceed to the kainan pare.


that's one hell of a messy dining room pare. dishes from last night was left unwashed pare. now lets proceed upstairs pare.

first thing to show you pare is the The Lounge pare. where all our inuman session happens here pare.
i swear those light spelled the word "lounge" pare. ngayon it spelled "love" pare.







not lets proceed and have a look at our rooms where we make ligo and the rooms where we make jebs pare. the jacuzi is off limits pare. maybe 'coz it doesnt work pare.





















next stop, our walk in closet pare.



okay this is our walk in closet pare na ngayon ay para ng ukayan pare.



now lets go to my bedroom pare. its downstairs pare. here it is,



okay thats my bedspace pare. the middle pare. that's where i sleep pare. if we only had a tent we could be doing a scene from brokeback mountain pare. but a menage a trois pare. haha. i used to sleep under my workstation pare. but there's not much space for me pare just like this guy pare;



okay let's go outside pare. here's an ashtray and a planter-turned-ashtray pare.



and here are the collection of bikes pare. none of them is mine pare.











then i tell you to get out of here pare! make you pahabol to this aso pare;

he could be one lazy-ass dog, but he sure is fierce pare.

the end.

okay thats about it pare. thatwas my whole pitch pare. its not much as of now pare, but you'll get the idea pare. i'm open for suggestions pare. share it with me pare. any wacky idea is great pare.

I Wanna Say Salamat Pare

wazzzup pare! i'm back pare. just a quick post pare. first of all pare, i wanna say salamat to all of you pare. to my supporters, offline and online friends, stalkers and to the rest of you pare who are making basa of my blog pare. its been a great first week pare.

my profile views was like na-doble during this week pare. i wasnt really expecting this pare. dati pare, i get only 30-40 views per month pare, at ngayon pare, its like 70-ish views na pare and its not even the end of the month pare. i know na not all of them are unique hits pare, but i'm gald i have fans pare or even stalkers pare. i'm happy pare. sobrang saya pare. thanks pare. now i'm all like blushing pare. the profile views is my source of inspiration sa pagsusulat in this blog pare. 'coz i'm a bit tamad magsulat pare. i'd be more that happy if you can post a comment pare. i love getting feedbacks pare. it could be a comment of hate, disgust or like make mura to me pare. its okay pare. just don't get too personal pare.

also, because alot has been asking me to transfer my blog to another bloghost pare, kasi daw pare they cant comment right away pare, they hafta logon pa pare on their friendster account just to post comment pare. that being said pare, i think i might pare. i am doing it na nga pare e. i'll let you all know when i have posted something na on that blog pare. but don't worry pare, i'm still gonna post here pare what i have posted on the new hosted blog pare. but only the intros lang here pare and the rest of the entry pare, will be on the new blog pare. i know its a bit inconvenient to you pare. but i think it would be nice to share my kagaguhan pare sa iba pare.
okay thats about it for now na muna pare.

thanks pare. to my OCSFSC (Original Cornholio Solid Fans and Stalkers Club) pare, salamat pare!

Nabitin sa Ibabaw, Pare!

shit pare! i'm all drunk and shit last night pare. at ngayon i got a hangover pare and i don't like it pare. a friend wanted us to make subok his mixed drinks pare. we all chipped-in pare like a hundred pesos pare. i'm really not much of hard-liquor-drinker-type-of-guy pare. most of the time i only inom and prefer beers pare. so just for a change i agreed to drink pare, knowing it won't be a strong drink pare. but i was wrong pare.

it was about past ten in the evening ng dumating si friend pare. i was in the bathroom pare taking a bath pare. after getting dressed pare i went straight upstairs sa The Lounge kung saan ang inuman pare. i just walked in to the lounge pare and binigyan agad me ni friend a shot of the drink pare. and sabi nya sakin to drink it straight-up and not let it stay in my mouth so tagal pare. so i did that, but tangina pare tol dude, lakas ng tama pare. and sabi pa nila to make "haaaa" after the shot pare. so i did, presko sa breath pare. pero tangina pare it was so strong, i was like about to cry na pare buti na lang na-control ko pare. dyahe sa mga visitors nya pare. in a couple of seconds mejo okay na ako pare. so then i asked them what's in it pare. friend said na it was tequila with three drops of tabasco sauce pare. tangina kaya pala my mouth was feeling kinda spiced-up-hot na pare. i didn't let them notice that my bibig is on fire pare. so i grab a stick of a sigarilyo to extinguish the fire on my lips pare. in a way pare nakatulong din yung sigarilyo pare sa pagtanggal nung anghang pare. i drank like apat or five shots of that drink pare. i let them ubos na the natitirang tequila pare, i had to stop 'coz i can feel something awful na inside my stomach pare.

after nila made ubos of the tequila pare, it was time for the second mixed drink pare. this time pare its vodka with lime and grenadine syrup pare. it tastes as awful as the first drink pare. and like natutuyo ang throat mo pare pagkatapos mo mainom pare. i think i drank a whole baso of that drink pare. after that, binuksan na yung favorite kong drink pare. beer naman this time pare. by this time i am drunk na pare, i make kulit na to the guests na pare. lucky for them i didn't make fun of them like i used to pare. i think everyone present there are like lasing na rin pare. like we're singing aloud, when some of us are sintunado naman pare. the tagay is like going fast na pare, 'coz everyone is doing the beer pressure pare. and i was like smokin like so marami pare. i was like the chimney in the bakery pare. a couple more shots i decided to give up pare, i was like lasing na talaga pare like isang glass na lang ng beer imana throw up na talaga pare. so it's time for me to use the age-old palusot pare. i told them i was just gonna take a piss pare. di na ako bumalik sa taas pare. hehehe. that trick still works pare! he he he. after i took a piss pare, i went straight to may kama pare.

i woke up kaninang umaga like nine in the morning pare and my head is killing me pare. i got a hangover pare. a really bad hangover pare. and 'coz i've been lasing like a millon times na pare, hangover is not quite new to me pare. in fact pare, i developed a counter-attack for my hangover pare and these are; taking a jebs pare pagkagising na pagkagising and after mag-jebs pare, make ligo and babad on the shower pare and lastly drink lots of tubig pare not the water coming from the shower ha pare? you'll get lagnat if you do that pare. anyway pare, so yun pagkagising ko i went to the comfort room and umupo sa comfort seat pare. i was like there sitting but nothing is going out of my ass pare. ayaw lumabas ng jebs pare. buti na lang i brought a stick of sigarilyo pare and konting ere pa pare at lumabas din yung jebs pare. it felt great pare. its like i had a multiple orgasm pare. after that pare naligo na ako pare. i was in the bathroom for like an hour pare. sarap magbabad sa shower pare.

my counter-attaeck against hangover doesn't work like a hundred percent pare. but its a good counter-attack pare it works like 65% in me pare. i was still cranky the whole day pare. i was so tamad to work pare. pero i worked pa rin pare.

hay. oh sige na mga pare i'm tired pa pare. i wanna say thank you to my fast-growing fans club pare. keep on visiting pare. and i'll keep on posting pare. para sainyo to pare. Cheers pare!

The First for the Second time

i like meeting new people pare.people na galing from different backgrounds pare. i'm not choose-y naman pare pagdating sa mga tao pare. i'm so cool pare. kahit where mo ako isama (or ikama), i'm cool with that pare. i can adapt naman sa surroundings ko pare. im so flexible pare.kahit saan mo ako isuksok basta ba i'm with someonle else pare. okay lang pare. there this one time pa nga napagkamalan akong conio pare. i was like, "whoaw!" pare. i'm not conio pare. marunong lang ako magdala pare. i know how to act on certain occassions pare. Kasi daw i dont know any jolog words daw pare. 'coz i hafta to ask pa some people pa kung what's the meaning of a certain jolog word pare. at saka daw kasi i came from a university na kilala, mamahalin at maraming conio pare. sabi ko naman, just because i went to that university makes me a conio na rin pare. jologs din me gaya mo pare. Shallow din ako sa mga kasiyahan pare. i would easily laugh at your silly jokes din pare.

i can be your kaibigan even for a short time pare.i'm not maarte sa kung who to talk to pare. i dont care ano itsura mo pare. basta ba pare may topak rin you kahit slight pare.im sure we can get along pretty well pare.i've had a few good talks with tricycle drivers pare. they are so cool and so mabait pare. specially when i'm like lasing, i'm so kulit and talks alot to them pare. i sometimes offer them sigarilyo during the trip pare. i also have tambay friends pare. we would drink on isang baso till umaga pare. and we would make bola on the beautiful girls na daraan sa front namin pare. kantahan even if ang boses namin ay sintunado pare. i got a lot of barkada here and back home pare and all of them come from different backgrounds pare.
i'm so glad so many of you came and nakibasa sa walang kwenta kong blog pare. i'm looking forward on getting to know you as well pare. you can leave your comments here to pare. post comments, suggestions, solicitation, a word/act of gratitude (kung nakatulong man ako sayo pare) ask me on a date or sorta, you name it pare and i'll see what can or cannot do pare.
Welcome to my disease pare. Balik ka ha pare?!

Chewbacca in Narnia

Found this post at her blog and i thought its a pretty good post to comment on.

The truth about Chewbacca in Narnia.

Narnia is included in the Trade Federation. Narnia is a neutral planet, much like Switzerland. ButNarnia is not active to the Trade Federation, and the only reason Narnia got in the federation is because of the high-ranking officials at the Trade Federations' greediness. Narnia is an escape-pod for criminals.

I don't don't know if anybody knew this, but after episode seven, Chewy was exiled to Narnia after he was found guilty of sexually assualting C3P0.

That is why Chewy is in Narnia. He is the famous maker of wardrobes in all of Narnia. All wardrobes are hand-made by him and made of his dead furs. he's fashion line; HMBM-MOOM = "hand-made by me, made out of me"

Ride at your own risk

For those who can’t afford to buy their own vehicle, riding the public transport is the only way to get to their destination. There are lots of them available for public use, world wide. There are the buses, trains, light railway trains, commercial cruisers, ferries, gondolas, commuter bangkas, and etcetera. The Philippines has lots of them too, may it be quadruped powered, fuel powered, steam powered or biped powered, and every island here has its own unique means of transportation or a rendition of the existing public transport.

Many centuries ago, Filipinos first mode of transportation is a cart being pulled by a carabao - I sucked at my History classes so I’m not really sure, and that's the only transportation that I can think that could have been available many centuries ago. And if I'm not mistaken, the cart is made of bamboo with no wheels. Well enough of about the history of transportation, before I make a schmuck outta me.

Padyak. More commonly known as, pedicab. Is made of a bicycle with a side cart attached to it supported with one wheel and can accommodate 2-3 passengers depending on how the side cart was made. Padyak can be mostly seen in subdivisions or public markets. And the pedicab drivers can be seen piled up playing cara y cruz, while waiting for passengers. I’m not rude, but I have to share my experience. Pedicab drivers (most of them) stinks, literally. They have some serious problem with bathing before going to work. And I really to be more specific, they smell like armpit-with-dried-sweat, coupled with shirt which they’ve worn two-straight days. And you can actually almost taste how they smell, very acidic. Ugh! If ever you encountered none of these, enjoy the ride ‘cause tomorrow might not be your lucky day. Though they can look and smell awful, they are kind. Fare starts from 4 pesos up to 10 pesos.

Calesa, small-horse drawn carriage supported on two tall wheels, built to accommodate two passengers and their baggage*. Cocheros (calesa drivers) would always wear their sombreros. And while on the move, the passengers can enjoy the view of the horse’s ass dumping a huge chunk of shit. Uhhhhmmm..Tastes like chicken don’t they? Ha ha! Have mercy on the passengers. I believe the calesa is the father of public transportation here in the Philippines. Today you can still find few of them running around in every major city in the country.

The tricycle. It’s more like the padyak, just got motorized and colorful. And did I say bigger and tougher? Did you know that a tricycle can accommodate up to 20 passengers? Now you know. Yes its true, but to only some renditions of the tricycle class. Classes differ from how spacious, how tough and what kind of motor the tricycle runs. See for yourself. Compare the tricycle from the city with the tricycle from provinces and you’ll say, “Ahhhhh…” Tricycle in the provinces is bigger and tougher than tricycles from the city. Tricycle drivers from the province prefer motors with more torque power than how fast they can go. So enough of the technical crap of the tricycle, let’s get into my business. So what makes the tricycle different from the other public transport, you ask. It’s the tricycle drivers. Why, you ask. A friend of mine would send me messages with plate numbers of the tricycle she’s riding, asking me to keep it for a while because the driver looks suspicious and is drunk. While waiting for their tricycles turn to be filled with passengers, you’d see them drinking on one corner of the terminal. And also they easily get irritable with the traffic and would end up shouting and cursing those truck drivers in the middle of the road. And if they see an opening, they’d speed up like a wild horse. A few years ago, I saw on the news about illegal drag racing, that tricycles are also being raced. How cool is that? Hey, this is the Philippines. Everything is possible just don’t get caught! Fare starts at 6 pesos.

The jeepney. The bad-ass and king of the Philippine roads. Jeepney is the most commonly used public transportation in this country and is available nationwide. From what I’ve heard, it is a version of the jeep used by the American soldiers during the world war. But I think our version was designed uniquely for the Filipino passengers. Filipinos loves to talk, gossip and the concept of “close-family-ties” can be seen in how the seats were designed. In every jeepney ride, you’ll encounter people in all walks of Filipino life. A stinking fish vendor, lovers who enjoys casual PDA, a group of friends who enjoys talking anything from food to relationships or even gossips, a student reviewing the past lessons for an exam that he/she’s about to take in the next 20 minutes, a drunk man asleep with his saliva all over your shoulders, an old woman who’ll complain on how fast the jeepney is running even though its only 50km/h, a married couple - the cause why the driver has to stop every block but no one is getting off the jeepney – with children that keeps on shouting “PARA!”. You could also be sitting right next to a mugger, or a girl that would make you say “She’s the one”, a long lost childhood friend who in time you forgot his/her name.

While the tricycle drivers spends their time drinking, jeepney drivers spends their time in pool tables while waiting for passengers. This is what I’m sure of, 8 out of 10 jeepney terminals, there’s always a pool table. Jeepney drivers are also talkative and the three most talked topics are; (1) boxing/billiards, (2) oil-price hike and lastly, (3) oil-price hike. He He He. Jeepneys are also prone to street racing the only difference from other racing tournament is, jeepneys have 20 or more passengers inside. But still, jeepney is the most enjoyable ride of all rides. Fare starts at 7.50 pesos.

Commuting here in the Philippines can be sometimes risky and dangerous but most of the time it’s a beauty in everyday life of a commuter.

====* qouted from this page.additional links: this, this and this.

Flauntits

I feel molested.

I woke up early to catch the first trip back to my hometown. And as usual, packing my stuff takes me hours to pack. Catching the first trip would be like catching a fly with a chopstick (Karate Kid style). I decided to catch the later trips, and run a few errands at the city center before heading to the central terminal.

My mind was set, every time I go home, there's a 90 percent chance that I'll be sitting right next to a pretty (if not, cute) college chic. That's my joy in commuting, not only when I go home, but also every time I go commuting. Sitting next to a random college chic is awesome. The scent of their perfumes. And if its wash day, now that my friends is greatness of commuting at its best (for me, though).

Anyway, at the terminal, the filcab (a.k.a commuter van) is already half-full and the only available seats are on the last row. Normally I don’t sit on the last row, because it gets too crowded there and I don’t travel light. And normally I would wait for the next filcab, to get the roomy seat that I wanted. But today was different, I was eager to go home immediately. So there I was sitting on the last row and waiting for the other seats to be filled. After 10 minutes of waiting, the filcab is full and ready to go. I paid my fare. I put on my earphones, played my favorite mp3s and for a minute closed my eyes, then…

“Wait!” cried a woman in mid-50. “I’ll just exchange seats with my daughter.” Her daughter is sitting just in front of us right next to the window. I think its called jump seat.

Opening the door, her daughter gets out and she gets up leading towards the seat, exposing three quarters of her breasts - if she stretches a bit more her nipple will be exposed. Why, you ask. She’s wearing what she should have worn 20-30 years ago when her body is not that old-looking (odd-looking?). I mean she should’ve at least worn clothing more suitable for her age, or if she really want that kind of clothing at least pick the one with less-plunging necklines.

My hometown is at most depending on the traffic, is two-hour ride. I don’t sleep when commuting short distances, because I can’t. And even if I look straight ahead, on the corner of my right eye, I can still see half of her breasts. So I was left with only two things to consider – close my eyes for two to five minutes and think of something else. But didn’t work pretty well, I still can’t forget the sight. It was a haunting experience. It was like; I was molested in the past. And the horrible past is haunting me now.

Man I should’ve taken the next cab.

To give you a clearer picture of what I'm talkin' about, HERE's a photo I took on last few minutes of the ride. I was being carefull not to let anybody see me taking this picture. I wouldn't want "pervert" to be included in my name, would I?

Old Kids On the Block

After spending working-hours in front of the monitor, my officemates and I, call it a day. We've been doing this project night and day for two weeks or so, we decided to eat out and go for a couple of beers after.

After dining-out at this restaurant. We took the public transport on our way to the bar; clearly none of us own a car yet.

Well anyway, the driver said that there are still seats for five persons. And since there's five of us, we got in. When I was about to sit, there was like 6inches of space for my butt to sit. My officemates had to crunch up for me to sit; now there's 7inches. I had to sit because the transport started moving. So I did even only a quarter of my ass could sit.

At first I thought maybe some of the passengers in my row, are chubby that’s why my arse couldn’t sit well. Skimming if there’s someone I knew from the other passengers, I saw this middle-aged lady talking to her friend, occupying a large amount of space of the seat in our row.

Courteously, I said; “Eherm, could you please move a bit?”

The old lady ignored me and kept talking to her friend. I was a bit furious by that time.

“Madame, could you please move a bit?” I declared, loud enough that those sitting in front could hear.

The old lady ignores me again, didn’t move even an inch and kept talking to her friend. We’re already halfway to our destination. I didn’t bother asking for some space again, but I was definitely infuriated.

It was an irritating scene. Not having enough space for my ass, I can live with but ignoring my plea, now that my friends is a serious pain in the ass. Middle-aged women (I’m not generalizing, SOME) from this part of the world tend to be cocky at times when they really shouldn't be.

I was taught back in grade school to always give your seat for women if on a public transport. In which I always did, until a series of events just like this. I stopped practicing that norm, its stupid and it’s depressing. How can you still give your seat for them if some don't know how to return the favor? I don’t understand their philosophy, they want to be respected but they don’t respect those who give them respect. Sometimes I think they are kids, ‘cause they act like them, always wanting to have the bigger half of the cake.

To end this rant let me share to you their undying words; “been there, done that. You got a lot of things to learn.”

I say; “Screw you, looks like you haven’t learned much either!”